My approach to Couple Therapy

In our work together, we hold two parallel goals:

1. Understanding the current relationship dynamic, including the expectations, patterns, and fears that shape how each one of you relates.

2. Exploring how each of your pasts influences this dynamic, so that what’s happening between you makes more sense, and you have more choice in how to respond.

Couple therapy, as I understand it, is not about fixing the other person; it’s about recognising that the only part of the relationship we have true agency over is ourselves. This can be difficult, especially when we arrive in therapy with pain, frustration, or the hope that our partner might change the way we want them to. But often, when one person shifts the way they relate or position themselves in the relationship, the dynamic begins to change, and the other partner may shift in response. And if both of you stay true to the task, you will both notice the improvement.

Couple therapy is also an opportunity to identify and build on what’s already working. When conflict or disconnection takes up most of the space, it can become difficult to see the strengths in the relationship. But there might be parts you both still appreciate: moments of care, a past you long for, values you share, or a future you hope for.  

I don’t think the goal of therapy should be to preserve the relationship at all costs. Sometimes, the best possible outcome is a separation handled with care and respect. The way I see it, therapy should be a space to gain clarity and choice so that, if you both choose to stay, it’s a conscious decision rooted in a deeper commitment to each other.